Lightbulb
Jokes
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How many Martians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: One and a half
How many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to change it while the other two argue about how old the old one is.
How many architects does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but he has to coordinate ten other professionals who are doing this quiet complicated task.
How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb? Third as many as for a regular bulb.
How many carpenters does it take to change a light bulb? "Sod you! That's the electrician's job."
How many cashiers does it take to change a light bulb? "Are you kidding? They won't even change a five dollar bill."
How many civil servants does it take to change a light bulb? Twelve. One to change the bulb, and eleven to do the paperwork.
How many film directors does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but he wants to do it thirty-two times and when he's done, everyone says that his last light bulb was much better.
How many fishermen does it take to change a light bulb? One, but you should have seen the bulb, it must have been THIS big.
How many librarians does it take to screw in a light bulb? "I don't know, but I can look it up for you."
How many social scientists does it take to change a light bulb? None. Social scientists do not change light bulbs; they search for the root cause as to why the last one went out.
How many insurance agents does it take to change a light bulb? That depends on whether the light bulb burned alone or with the whole house.
How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb? "The light bulb doesn't need changing, it's the system that needs to change."
How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb? None. Social workers never change anything.
How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb? None. They empower it to change itself!
How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb? None. The light bulb is not burnt out, it's just differently lit.
How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb? None. They set up a team to write a paper on coping with darkness.
How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb?Two. One to change the bulb and another to put your kids into care.
How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb?Five. One to screw it in, three to form the support group, and one to help with placement.
How many psychoanalysts does it take to change a light bulb? "How many do you think it takes?"
How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to change it, and two to complain about how bad GE's customer support is.
How many service technicians does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, and he does it very well, but there is that $85 non-refundable on-site service fee to consider.
How many first year engineering students does it take to change a light bulb? None. That's a second year subject.
How
many second year engineering students does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but the rest of the class copies the report.
How many third year engineering students does it take to change a light bulb? "Will this question be in the final examination?"
How many civil engineers does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to do it and one to steady the chandelier.
How many electrical engineers does it take to change a light bulb? None. They simply redefine darkness as the industry standard.
How many computer engineers does it take to change a light bulb? "Why bother? The socket will be obsolete in six months anyway."
How many mechanical engineers does it take to change a light bulb? Five. One to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, one to calculate the force required, one to design a tool with which to turn the bulb, one to design a comfortable - but functional - hand grip, and one to use all this equipment.
How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb? Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
How many physicists does it take to change a light bulb? Eleven. One to do it and ten to co-author the paper.
How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb? None, astronomers prefer the dark.
How many radio astronomers does it take to change a light bulb? None. They are not interested in that short wave stuff.
How many general relativists does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One holds the bulb, while the other rotates the universe.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb? None. It's left to the reader as an exercise.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?None. The answer is intuitively obvious.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?One. He gives it to four programmers, thereby simplifying the problem to a previous question.
How many numerical analysts does it take to change a light bulb? 3.9967 (after six iterations).
How many mathematical logicians does it take to change a light bulb? None. They can't do it, but they can easily prove that it can be done.
How many classical geometers does it take to change a light bulb? None. You can't do it with a straight edge and a compass.
How many analysts does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to prove existence, one to prove uniqueness and one to derive a nonconstructive algorithm to do it.
How many number theorists does it take to change a light bulb? I don't know the exact number, but I am sure it must be some rather elegant prime.
How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb? Of course, as everyone knows, just five years ago all it took was a bunch of kids in a garage in Palo Alto to change a light bulb.
How many maintenance programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None. They try to fix the old one.
from scratch. Could you wait two months?"
How many software testers does it take to change a light bulb? None. "We just recognized darkness, fixing it is someone else's problem."
How many C++ programmers does it take to change a light bulb? "You're still thinking procedurally! A properly designed light bulb object would inherit a change method from a generic light bulb class!"
How many Java programmers does it take to change a light bulb? One, to generate a "ChangeLightBulb" event to the socket.
How many Windows programmers does it take to change a light bulb? Seventy two. One to write WinGetLightBulbHandle, one to write WinQueryStatusLightBulb, one to write WinGetLightSwitchHandle ...
How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb? Three: One to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
How many IBM employees does it take to change a light bulb? Fifteen. Five to do it, and ten to write document number GC7500439-001, Multitasking Incadescent Source System Facility, of which 10% of the pages state only "This page intentionally left blank".
How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, provided there's a programmer around to explain how to do it.
How many unionized workers does it take to change a light bulb? Fourteen. One to give the bulb to the screw-inner. One to screw in the bulb. One to hold him on the step ladder. Four to hold the step ladder steady. One to flick the switch to test the bulb. One to make sure that the other bulbs in the room will need fixing. One to supervise. Two to take a coffee break, one to eat lunch, and one to nap.
How many personnel managers does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to take out the old bulb, one to screw in the new bulb, and one to relocate the old bulb.
How many applicants does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but 200 applied for the job.
How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb? Californians don't screw in light bulbs they screw in hot tubs.
How many psychiatrists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, but it takes five sessions.
How many manic depressives does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, let them them cry in the dark.
How many hardware engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? None: We'll fix it in software.
How many Martians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: One and a half.
How many tech writers does it take to change a lightbulb? None: The user can work it out.
How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? None: We'll document it in the manual.
How many engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? Ten: One to hold the lightbulb and nine to make the room spin.
How many Russians does it take to change a lightbulb? Three: One to hold the lightbulb and two to drink enough vodka to make the room spin.
How many Psychotherapists does it take to change a lightbulb? Does the lightbulb really want to change?
How many Surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb? A Fish.
How many applicants does it take to change a light bulb? Thirteen. One to change the bulb and a dozen others to make sure that everyone has an equal opportunity to apply for the job. How many unionized workers does it take to change a light bulb? None. They assign the task to a non-unionized temporary.
How many unionized workers does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but he gets promoted two times before he finally finishes screwing it up.
How many unionized workers does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but once he gets tenure, he doesn't change anymore.
How many unionized workers does it take to change a light bulb? "Eighteen, you got a problem with that?"
How many maintenance programmers does it take to change a light bulb? "We looked at the light fixture and decided there's no point trying to maintain it. We're going to rewrite it
How many unionized workers does it take to change a light bulb? Fifty. Fifty? Yeah, fifty; its in the contract.
How many people from Cincinnati does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, and we'd prefer it if you didn't use the word 'screw'.
How many Politicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? That's a very good question....<fill in with soap box topic number 1>
How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but the bulb has got to really want to change.
How many programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, it's a hardware problem.
How many yuppies does it take to screw in a lightbulb Two. One to find the filofax, and the other to use the phone.
How many mutants does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two-thirds.
How many efficiency reports does it take to screw in a lightbulb. None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
How many Pygmies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? At least three.
How many actors does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
How many anarchists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? All of them.
How
many TV comedians does it take to screw in a lightbulb Two. One to screw it
in, and another to say "Sock it to me."
Do you know How many musicians it takes to change a lightbulb? No, big daddy, but hum a few bars and i'll fake it.
How many football players does it take to change a lightbulb? One, but he gets 3 points for it.
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two.
How many Conservatives does it take to change a lightbulb? Three. One to do it, and two to complain about how much better the old one was.
How many Royal Princesses does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to call the electrician, and one to cry to the press about it.
How many professors does it take to change a lightbulb? None. That's what students are for.
How many union stage hands does it take to change a lightbulb. Four men, four hours.
How many database people does it take to change a lightbulb? Three. One to write the lightbulb removal routine, one to write the lighbulb insertion routine, and one to make sure no one else is trying to change the lightbulb at the same time.
How many missionaries does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 101. 1 to screw it in and the other 100 to convince everyone else to screw in light bulbs too.
How many Irishmen does it take to change a lightbulb? Five. One to hold the bulb and four to drink until the room spins.
How many [INSERT OCCUPATION OF CHOICE] does it take to change a lightbulb? Five. One to screw it in and four to screw it up.
How many dull people does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one.
How many lightbulb jokes does it take to change a lightbulb? The probability that any given lightbulb joke will be submitted to the world in any given week is .4, and the probability that it will have changed detectably since the last lightbulb joke is .2. Hence (assuming independence, which is resonable, since no submitter of a lightbulb joke ever seems to know it has been submitted before, within the last 2 or 3 weeks), the probability that it will change in a given week is .08. So, it takes about 12.5 lightbulb jokes to change a lightbulb joke.
How many jokers does it take to submit yet another lightbulb joke? 1,622. One to tell the original joke, and the rest to give some minor variation of it.
How many radical feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? That's not funny!
How many gays does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to screw it in and the other to say "Fabulous, Dahling".
How many people from "The wrong side of the tracks" does it take to change a lightbulb? Three. One to change the lightbulb, one to be a witness, and the third to shoot the witness.
How many "Engineers" does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
How many strong men does it take to screw in a lightbulb. 115. One to hold the bulb and 114 to rotate the house.
How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. The universe spins the bulb, and the Zen master simply stays out of the way.
How many software delelopers does it take to change a lightbulb. None: they claim "the light works fine on our system..."
How many Oxford students does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just one. He holds the lightbulb and the universe revolves around him.
How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a lightbulb. Two. One to assure that everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water tap.
How many board meetings does it take to get a lightbulb changed? This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile...
How many assholes does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Assholes never see the light anyway.
How many necrophilliacs does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. Necrophilliacs PREFER dead bulbs.
How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb? None. It's a hardware problem.
How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb? 1.000000001.
How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One always leaves in the middle of the project.
How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to design the change, one to implement it, one to document it, and one to maintain it afterwards.
How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb? Four, plus one senior analyst to manage the project, one technical writer to correct the spelling and grammar of the one who documented it, one light bulb librarian, a sales-force of at least five to drum up enough users who want to turn the light on, 274 users to burn out the new bulb, at which point we go to tender for another light bulb change,...
How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb? Five. Two to write the specification program, one to screw it in, and two to explain why the project was late.
How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but she's not available till the year 2000.
How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb? "The change is 90% complete."
How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb? "It's hard to say. Each time we separate the bulb into its modules to do unit testing, it stops working."
How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, blondes screw in cars*. *Replace "Cars" also for elevators/bus-stops/toilets/offices, etc...
How many sorority sisters does it take to change a lightbulb? 51. One to change the bulb, and fifty to sing about the bulb being changed.
How many graduate students does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
How many Marines does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 50. One to screw in the lightbulb and the remaining 49 to guard him.
How many Romulans does it take to screw in a light bulb? 151, one to screw the light-bulb in, and 150 to self-destruct the ship out of disgrace. Warning: Do not tell this to Romulans or be ready for a fight. They consider this joke to be a discrace, though it is not bad for a light bulb joke.
How many Vulcans does it take to change a light bulb? Approximately 1.00000000000000000000000
How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a light bulb? 7. Scotty will report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in the Engineering Section is burnt out, to which Kirk will send Bones to pronounce the bulb dead. Scotty, after checking around, notices that they have no more new light bulbs, and complains that he can't see in the dark to tend to his engines. Kirk must make an emergency stop at the next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, to procure a light bulb from the natives. Kirk, Spock, Bones, Sulu, and 3 red shirt security officers beam down. The 3 security officers are promply killed by the natives, and the rest of the landing party is captured. Meanwhile, back in orbit, Scotty notices a Klingon ship approaching and must warp out of orbit to escape detection. Bones cures the native king who is suffering from the flu, and as a reward the landing party is set free and given all of the light bulbs they can carry. Scotty cripples the Klingon ship and warps back to the planet just in time to beam up Kirk et al. The new bulb is inserted, and the Enterprise continues with its five year mission.
How many idiots who ask stupid questions does it take to change a lightbulb? Change it to what?
How many pessimists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, it's a waste of time because the new bulb won't work either.
How many military information officers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? At the present point of time it is against policy and the best interest of military strategy to divulge information of such a statistical nature. Next Question, please.
How many lesbian feminist Dianic Wiccans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just one, and it's NOT FUNNY!!!
How many Dianics does it take to change a light bulb? (any large number here) -- One to change the light bulb, one to prepare the environmental impact statement, and the rest to do a self-criticism afterwords...
How many Dianacs does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but that bulb has really got to want to change.
How many years does it take a Dianic Wiccan to change a lightbulb? You can change it whenever you are empowered to do so.
How many years does it take a Dianic Wiccan to change a lightbulb? Not sure.....we'll call Z. Bhudapest and get back to you!
How many Dianic women does it take to change a lightbulb? That's W-I-M-M-I-N, and it's still not funny!
How many Druids does it take to change a lightbulb? 501. One to change the bulb and 500 to align the new stone.
How many Druids does it take to change a lightbulb? They don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw in Stone Circles.
How many Druids does it take to change a lightbulb? one to hold the bulb and 12 to drink enough to make the room spin.
How many years does it take a Druid to change a lightbulb? 21, unless you're Irish.
How many Isians does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to change the lightbulb, one to handle publicity, and one to write the newsletter.
How many Family traditionalists does it take to change a light bulb? Candle light was good enough for our ancestors, it's good enough for us!
How many Fam-Trads does it take to change a light bulb? Ask your OWN grandmother!
How many Brit.Trad WItches does it take to change a light bulb? 13. One to change the bulb, and 12 to mourn the passing of the old bulb.
How many Gardnerian witches does it take to change a light bulb? (in a low ominous tone) "Why do you want to know...initiate?"
How many Gardnerian witches does it take to change a light bulb? It's a third degree secret.
How many years does it take a Gardnerian witch to change a light bulb? A year and A day in an Outer Grove, a year and a day at first level, a year and a day at second level, but only third levels change light bulbs.
How many Gardnerians does it take to change a lightbulb? Can't say. It's oathbound.
How may light bulbs does it take to change a gardnerian? none, they can do it all by themselves, thank you very much!!
How many Alexandrians does it take to change a lightbulb? Same number as Gardnerians.
How many Alexandrian witches does it take to change a light bulb? "Lets go see how the Gardnerians do it!"
How many years does it take an Alexandrian witch to change a light bulb? That's the Maiden's Job. Maiden - Make it so.
How many Starhawk witches does it take to change a light bulb? (plaintevely) "There are starving villiages in Africa that don't even HAVE light bulbs..."
How many years does it take a Starhawk witch to change a light bulb? Well, it depends how hard you study, but you can do it now if you are solitary.
How many solitary witches does it take to change a light bulb? (if they actually ask 'How many?', drum your fingers and stare at them as you wait for them to grasp the obvious)
How many years does it take for a solitary witch to change a light bulb?
How long does it take to get one out of the closet?
How many Solitaries does it take to change a lightbulb? Who cares?
How many years does it take a Kitchen Witch to change a light bulb? Already changed.
How many years does it take a White Light Wiccan to change a light bulb? Look deep within and find your true essence. That will tell you how long it will take.
How many Frost "School of Wicca" witches does it take to change a light bulb? "Just you! That's right, YOU! And for only $195 we'll send you our complete "Witches Magic Power of Light Bulb Changing Course" with real knowledge that you can apply this to ANY light bulb ANYwhere! Listen to the testimony of a young couple from Wisconsin who..."
How many Erisians does it take to change a light bulb? "How many have we got?"
How many Discordians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Five Tons.
How many Discordians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? a blue fish Tueday.
How many Discordians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 2-One to hold a ladder and one to fill the bathtub with brightly colored east german machine tools.(this one also works with any variation on
How many surreliests..)
How many Witches does it take to change a light bulb?? None.. they call the electrician who's also pagan and keeps the money in THEIR community.
How many Wiccans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Four. One for each direction.
How many members of IOT does it take to screw in a lighbulb? Sorry, that ritual is copyrighted.
How many Proteans does it take to change a light bulb? I can't tell you--we never change a light bulb the same way twice! :}
How many Proteans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
How many will fit?
How many Buckland witches does it take to change a light bulb? "Refer to my second book, "Practical Light Bulb Changing" by Raymond Buckland..."
How many Pagans does it take to change a lightbulb? Six. One to change it, and five to sit around complaining that lightbulbs never burned out before those damned Christains came along.
How many Thelemites does it take.... None, Every One of them is a Star.
How many Thelemites does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Crowley never wrote a book on it.
How many witches does it take to change a light bulb? What do you want it changed into?
How many toads does it take to change a lightbulb? One, if you can remember which one used to be the electrician.
How many witches does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they do it in great rites.
How many Golden Dawners does it take to change a light bulb? One to hold the ladder, one to hold the bulb, three to decipher the Light Bulb Ritual from the Secret Chiefs, one to publish it, and one to sue all the others.
How many NRDers does it take to change a lightbulb? 14. One to do it, one to write poetry about it, and 12 to hold a Council and decide whether or not the poem's authentic.
How many Asatruars does it take to change a lightbulb? None. The light from the burning monastery is sufficient, thank you. Why don't Norse pagans perform the Great Rite? Because it's impossible to get a saxknife into a beer bottle. Magickal...
How many tantrics does it take to change a light bulb? 2 as long as the lamp is by the bed...
How many Cerimonial magicians does it take to change a light bulb? One. They hold it up, and the world revolves around them.
How many Kabbalists does it take to change a lightbulb? 261. Astrology based...
How many Aries does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but it takes a lot of light bulbs.
How many Tauruses does it take to change a light bulb? What, me move?
How many Geminis does it take to change a light bulb? II
How many Cancers does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but he has to bring his mother.
How many Leos does it take to change a light bulb? A dozen. One to change the bulb, and eleven to applaud.
How many Virgos does it take to change a light bulb? One to clean out the socket, one to dust the bulb, one to install, and two engineers to check the work.
How many Libras does it take to change a light bulb? Libras can't decide if the bulb needs to be changed.
How many Scorpios does it take to change a light bulb? None. They LIKE the dark.
How many Sagittarians does it take to change a light bulb? One to install the bulb, and a Virgo to pick up the pieces.
How many Capricorns does it take to change a light bulb? The light's fine as it is.
How many Aquarians does it take to change a light bulb? Have you asked the bulb if it WANTS to be changed?
How many Pisceans does it take to change a light bulb? What light bulb?
How many astrologers does it take to change a light bulb? "Don't ask me now, Mercury's retrograde!"
How many New Agers does it take to change a light bulb? Five. One to change it and four to share the experience!
How many New-agers does it take to change a light bulb? (in a flaky voice) We don't use light bulbs, we just think haopy thoughts at our quartz crystals and they glow.
How many years does it take for a New-ager to change a light bulb? Well, it takes many many years, unless you pay $650 US non refundable, Visa or MC accepted. Then you can do it after the weekend intensive training seminar.
How many Boulderites (as in Boulder, CO, mecca of new agers) does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They just join self-help groups to learn to live with darkness in their lives.
How many TechnoPagans does it take to screw in a light bulb? If the computer is still working, who cares about the light bulb.
How many TechnoPagans does it take to screw in a light bulb? TechnoPagans don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw in IRC chat channels.
How many TechnoPagans does it take to screw in a light bulb? Nobody knows, we couldn't get them to leave the keyboard.
How Many Astronomers Does it Take to Change a Lightbulb? A: I thought astronomers used standard candles. A: Two: one to change the bulb, the other to complain about the light pollution.
How
many William & Mary students does it take to change a light bulb? Three, one
to change the bulb, and two to crack under the pressure.
How many Old Dominion students does it take to change a light bulb? Four, two to change the bulb, and two to figure out how to get high off the old one.
How many Mary Washington students does it take to change a light bulb? The whole student body, there's nothing better to do on weekends.
How many Georgetown students does it take to change a light bulb? Two, one to change the bulb, and one to throw the old bulb at American U students.
How many UVA students does it take to change a light bulb? One, he just holds the bulb and lets the world revolve around him.
How many Virginia Tech students does it take to change a light bulb? Three, one to change the bulb, and two to discuss how they did it as well as a UVA student.
How many James Madison University students does it take to change a light bulb? None, Harrisonburg doesn't have electricity.
How many Virginia Commonwealth students does it take to change a light bulb? None, downtown Richmond looks better in the dark.
How many Eastern Mennonite U students does it take to change a light bulb? Two, one to hold the candle, and the other to strike the flint.
How many George Mason University students does it take to change a light bulb? Three, if they get lucky and one of them has taken the course at NOVA.
How
many Washington and Lee students does it take to change a light bulb? Four,
one to change a bulb, and three to write up a complaint to the board of directors
stating that they could have gone to a better school if they had wanted to.
How many Mary Baldwin students does it take to change a light bulb? Four, One to change the light bulb, and three to figure out how it will help them meet their future husband.
How many U of Richmond students does it take to change a light bulb? Two, one to mix the martinis and one to call the electrician.
How many Hollins College students does it take to change a light bulb? None, that's what maids are for.
How many Radford University students does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it takes six years.
How many Sweet Briar Students does it take to change a light bulb? The entire student body, once they hear the word screw.
How many Randolph-Macon Woman's College students does it take to change a light bulb? One, if she can handle four majors she sure as hell can handle changing a light bulb.How many Princeton students does it take to change a lightbulb? Two--one to mix the martinis and one to call the electrician.
How many Brown students does it take to change a lightbulb? Eleven--one to change the lightbulb and ten to share the experience.
How many Dartmouth students does it take to change a lightbulb? None--Hanover doesn't have electricity.
How many Cornell students does it take to change a lightbulb? Two--One to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the pressure.
How many Penn students does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but he gets six credits for it.
How many Columbia students does it take to change a lightbulb? Seventy-six--one to change the lightbulb, fifty to protest the lightbulb's right not to change, and twenty-five to hold a counter-protest.
How many Yale students does it take to change a lightbulb? None--New Haven looks better in the dark.
How many Harvard students does it take to change a lightbulb? One--he holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.
How many MIT students does it take to change a lightbulb? Five--one to design a nuclear-powered bulb that never needs changing, one to figure out how to power the rest of Boston using that nuked lightbulb, two to install it, and one to write the computer program that controls the wall switch.
How many Vassar students does it take to change a lightbulb? Eleven--One to screw it and ten to support its sexual orientation.
How many Middlebury students does it take to change a lightbulb? Five--One to change the lightbulb and four to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion.
How many Stanford students does it take to change a lightbulb? One, dude.
How many Oberlin students does it take to change a lightbulb? Three--One to change it and two to figure out how to get high off the old one.
How many Georgetown students does it take to change a lightbulb? Four--One to change it, one to call Congress about their progress, and two to throw the old bulb at American U. students.
How many Duke students does it take to change a lightbulb? A whole frat--but only one of them is sober enough to get the bulb out of the socket.
How many Williams students does it take to change a lightbulb? The whole student body--when you're snowed in, there's nothing else to do.
How many Tufts students does it take to change a lightbulb? Two--One to change the bulb and one to say loudly how he did it as well as an Ivy League student.
How many Sarah Lawrence students does it take to change a lightbulb? Five--One to change the bulb and four to do an interpretive dance about it.
How many Swarthmore students does it take to change a lightbulb? Eight--It's not that one isn't smart enough to do it, it's just that they're all violently twitching from too much stress.
How many Mount Holyoke students does it take to change a lightbulb? One--she calls a Smithie to do it.
How many Smith students does it take to change a lightbulb? One--all you need is one hot woman and you'll never have a heterosexual lightbulb again.
How many Boston University students does it take to change a lightbulb? Four--One to change the bulb and two to check his math homework.
How many Amherst students does it take to change a lightbulb? Thirteen--One to change the bulb and an a capella group to immortalize the event in song.
How many Wesleyan students does it take to change a lightbulb? Wesleyan's boycotting GE--you know, military-industrial complex and all that.
How many Connecticut College students does it take to change a lightbulb? Two--One to change the bulb and one to complain about how if they were at a better school the lightbulb wouldn't go out.
How many Bucknell students does it take to change a lightbulb? One--but he'll only change it if he can put in a white-light bulb.
How many Bowdoin students does it take to change a lightbulb? Three--One to ski down to the general store and buy the bulb, one to take the chairlift back to school, and one to screw it in.
How many Bard students does it take to change a lightbulb? One--but she'll only do it if it's an alternative light bulb.
How many Boston College students does it take to change a lightbulb? Seven--One to change the light bulb and six to throw a party because he didn't screw it in upside down this time.
How many Reed students does it take to change a lightbulb? One--and she doesn't even need a ladder because she has platform Birkenstocks.
How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?
Border
Collie: Just one. Then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
Rottweiler: Make me!
Lab: Oh, me, me! Pleeease let me change the light bulb! Can I? Huh? Huh?
Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
Malamute: Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.
Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls.
Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
Mastiff: Screw it yourself! I'm not afraid of the dark...
Doberman: While it's out, I'll just take a nap on the couch.
Boxer: Who needs light? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there! Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb?
Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
Old English Sheep dog: Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?
Basset Hound: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
Westie: Dogs do not change light bulbs -- people change light bulbs. I am not one of THEM so the question is, how long before I can expect my light again?
Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out bulb?